wow.... its been more than one month since i last wrote.
it just slips out of my hands... and above all, the heart is decieving.
has my heart been stolen? no, it has been decieved... to think i knew what i was doing. then to stop and realise ive let it all get out of control.
facebook.
its addictive... you compare your life with another's... you look for smone wishing he was there but he isnt... you leave a note, he doesnt reply...
its for fun... but you wish i were real...
housemates.
*dont wanna talk about it*
friends.
you love em... you cant stand em... you dont wish to bother yourself with them... 'you need them?' you let them take too much of you... only to realise it too late...
are you chooisng life? choosing those that should and would matter to you if you let them... do you feel you already tried?
studies that come to an end.
maybe its time to leave... 2 weeks ago i didnt wanna leave... the friends the company the life here suited me and i was comfortable - YET i already knew that that meant that it was time to move. and now... everything feels like its peeling away, breaking down... huh... why not go home then. should i come back? whatever...... i dont know and i dont care right now. too many decisions and the stress to make them were on my shoulders. too many plans and ideas... too many options and possibilities and wants and wishes....
suddenly, all i want to do is let it all go.
what really matters in the end? i know you know i know. there is nothing more to say.
GOD I NEED YOU... I WANT YOU... IF IM REMINDED OF WHAT I KNOW, I KNOW NONE OF THIS REALLY MATTERS... NONE OF THIS IS REALLY THE POINT, IF I DONT FIRST KNOW YOU, LOVE YOU, WANT YOU.
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