4 disciplines

in light of the worship school and the prophetic worship conference coming up,
lazyness and discipline seem to crash on head to head.

its not like i dont know the more i seek him, the more i find him; the more i find him, the more i love him; the more i love him, the more i trust him... and as crunch time is coming near, you just know the devil's all out to get those along the fringes... the wishy washy, fence sitters, pew warmers...
and im just trying to keep the SPIRIT on top.... soul, then body....


Discipline your Devotion (prayer, worship, word)
Discipline your Doubts (press in to faith)
Discipline your Desires (purity, flee from evil)
Discipline your Duties (priorities, commitment)


more and more, i need you jesus, more and more...

im just a little confused

wow.... its been more than one month since i last wrote.


it just slips out of my hands... and above all, the heart is decieving.


has my heart been stolen? no, it has been decieved... to think i knew what i was doing. then to stop and realise ive let it all get out of control.

facebook.
its addictive... you compare your life with another's... you look for smone wishing he was there but he isnt... you leave a note, he doesnt reply...
its for fun... but you wish i were real...

housemates.
*dont wanna talk about it*

friends.
you love em... you cant stand em... you dont wish to bother yourself with them... 'you need them?' you let them take too much of you... only to realise it too late...
are you chooisng life? choosing those that should and would matter to you if you let them... do you feel you already tried?

studies that come to an end.
maybe its time to leave... 2 weeks ago i didnt wanna leave... the friends the company the life here suited me and i was comfortable - YET i already knew that that meant that it was time to move. and now... everything feels like its peeling away, breaking down... huh... why not go home then. should i come back? whatever...... i dont know and i dont care right now. too many decisions and the stress to make them were on my shoulders. too many plans and ideas... too many options and possibilities and wants and wishes....

suddenly, all i want to do is let it all go.

what really matters in the end? i know you know i know. there is nothing more to say.

GOD I NEED YOU... I WANT YOU... IF IM REMINDED OF WHAT I KNOW, I KNOW NONE OF THIS REALLY MATTERS... NONE OF THIS IS REALLY THE POINT, IF I DONT FIRST KNOW YOU, LOVE YOU, WANT YOU.