rainy days and mondays always get me down

its not so much the rain for now,
but its the many things that has happened today that has gotten me feeling real low today.

not only does my own brother not tell me the truth about him smoking, he's apparently done so for some time now.
not only cos its my brother, but a good friend too - that i have given the benefit of a doubt that he wouldnt pick it up again after quitting for so long now, but of course, once again has cos of no particular reason besides cos 'everyone else does'.
and then theres my dear leanne.. who i know smokes, but i dont know why, isnt quitting.

for all these 3 i care so much about, none can give me an answer or a reason why they started, why its good for them, if its helping them, why they dont want to quit, and if they are really dead seriously even thinking of quitting at all.

i dont hate them.. i hate what they're doing.. i hate em evil cigarettes!!!!!!!!!!!! :(

i just dont get it.... what so great about them.... how do they help?? wait a minute, they dont!
and.... i cant describe why or how upset i get about this whole damn deal about smoking and who does and who doesnt. but i d-o g-e-t r-e-a-l-l-y u-p-s-e-t even if i dont show it to them.

and when things are out of my control.....

being in sydney, i cant communicate efficiently with the rest of the SA committee and i have no idea whats happening with the trip... till now, we dont have even 20 pple for the trip... grr!!! i cant even enjoy my holiday in peace without haveing to worry about the trip and facing it when i get home on wednesday :(

being in cherd's house, 11pm and alone cos the other 2 girls decide to take a nice walk without me when they told me they'll be like 15 mins......? i cant help but feel cheated. yet, i can only blame myself of cheating them both into a holiday i promise will be full of fun and chit chats but, i havent even chatted to them once properly. i dont know how to. and already its monday night.

im scared and im frustrated. i want to be angry, but i cant and theres no point. what do i do, god, with all these things i know?