living the HIGH life - sydney 2007

Day 1 and i was on the 30th floor of The Shangrila and eating breakfast with my first ever real life view of Sydney's finest, the Harbour Bridge and Opera House. Qing and her church friend Chris kindly took time off whatever they had to do, to bring me eating, sight seeing, eating, a bit of walking and more eating. After a very heart warming birthday treat of delicious and delicate cupcakes and fine wine (picture below), what better start to my first trip to Sydney could i ask for.
Also, chris very kindly gave me My Utmost for His Highest to start reading and since then, it hasnt failed to touch my everyday and always bring into perspective what Jesus did for me on that cross, though so many years ago, and how it commands and is only deserving of my best.

Then of course, i cant be thankful enough enough enough that my dearest leanne and jiamin would come down to sydney to meet up with me too. sometimes, i really really dont think i do anything or hardly enough to show or tell them how greatful and thankful i am for them, and for how they took time off so we could spend time together. Sometimes, like now, i just dont know what else i can say to thank God for them.....
You reallly never know what youve got until their gone. :( i miss you lea and jiam...


breakfast at bills....... raising our glasses highhhhhhhh

last night out - walk to 'the ROCKS' for breathtaking views of Opera House, then to yummy famous pancakes!

and thank you Qing, once again, for the beautful walks and cliffs and beaches and times we got to talk and laugh and cry and hug and drive and jump around and go to the aquarium and eat and sleepover :)

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*whoop!* (like a ribena berry)

rainy days and mondays always get me down

its not so much the rain for now,
but its the many things that has happened today that has gotten me feeling real low today.

not only does my own brother not tell me the truth about him smoking, he's apparently done so for some time now.
not only cos its my brother, but a good friend too - that i have given the benefit of a doubt that he wouldnt pick it up again after quitting for so long now, but of course, once again has cos of no particular reason besides cos 'everyone else does'.
and then theres my dear leanne.. who i know smokes, but i dont know why, isnt quitting.

for all these 3 i care so much about, none can give me an answer or a reason why they started, why its good for them, if its helping them, why they dont want to quit, and if they are really dead seriously even thinking of quitting at all.

i dont hate them.. i hate what they're doing.. i hate em evil cigarettes!!!!!!!!!!!! :(

i just dont get it.... what so great about them.... how do they help?? wait a minute, they dont!
and.... i cant describe why or how upset i get about this whole damn deal about smoking and who does and who doesnt. but i d-o g-e-t r-e-a-l-l-y u-p-s-e-t even if i dont show it to them.

and when things are out of my control.....

being in sydney, i cant communicate efficiently with the rest of the SA committee and i have no idea whats happening with the trip... till now, we dont have even 20 pple for the trip... grr!!! i cant even enjoy my holiday in peace without haveing to worry about the trip and facing it when i get home on wednesday :(

being in cherd's house, 11pm and alone cos the other 2 girls decide to take a nice walk without me when they told me they'll be like 15 mins......? i cant help but feel cheated. yet, i can only blame myself of cheating them both into a holiday i promise will be full of fun and chit chats but, i havent even chatted to them once properly. i dont know how to. and already its monday night.

im scared and im frustrated. i want to be angry, but i cant and theres no point. what do i do, god, with all these things i know?

happy birthday to me (two days ago)

i think it went better than last year's... at least this year i had steamboat at kat's (more like, i had a friend like her ring me up to have steamboat at her place and i 'couldnt say no')...and she made me tiramisu... then hmm, besides that, i actually cooked friday's dinner for 4 and yesterday's dinner for 9 all almost singlehandedly! (sort of a personal acheivement enough haha). there werent any leftovers *(which to me meant that i didnt cook enough).
but they 'said' they were full *(i really hope so) so im guesssing i alllllllmost got the estimation right :)
but it was cool...first time having a few church pple over for dinner and chitchat till 10ish at night... i think as 'instigator-of-many-dinners', we'll start doing it like once in 2-3 weeks...cooking up a bit of smthing goin smone's house for a meal and fellowship! :) sounds good! much better than going morty's (the only food court here in launnie) ah tiring.. but feels quite good though... maybe i like cooking up a storm rather than cooking for my everyday dinners.

but im thankful though... really thankful. (and it beats thinking about how 'sucky' it could be compared to the many birthdays ive had before)
nothing would beat getting to go home for a while and be with more familiar faces and the hugs and the kisses..gosh, and the weather... but i guess im contented.

contented, i am.

cos i will go where You send me...
as long as Your presence is with me, i have more than enough;
no matter the storm, there will be no failure or destruction as long as i do as You direct;
because You said so, i believe and thank You for Your promises for me;
i will never give up.

(now i pray god, the ssa trip runs smoothly and that 10 more students will call in to confirm their interests to go for the trip!! amen)

11 moments

today has been full of moments...

i took a moment to think about destiny;
i took a moment to thank god for His plan for me;
i took a moment to remember its NOT up to me, its still up to Him.

i took a moment to think about what i'll do for my birthday;
i took a longer moment to think about fei... and how his destiny and life was up to God...just like mine would be too.
i took a moment to think about the blessings God wnats to give us, but the trials He has to put us through smtimes.

i took a moment to ask god how i could bless those id invite to my place if i had a gathering on friday;
i took a moment to think about each one of them and why god would want me to want them there;
i took a moment to see life spin into a blur as i stand in the middle of the lines that connect everyone ive met with everything.

i took a moment to wish i was somewhere else cos it gets hard and lonely;
then i took a last moment to whisper to myself that God was still greater than all of these.



(no, i didnt take this picture. but i found this while doing an assignment about how people change an architectural space ... do they even? in a single instant of time or a scene over a period of time, in a captured image, maybe they do...but what do they leave behind? ...oh well, i just found it quite apt while thinking about the footrpints we leave behind...or are we like ghosts that walk by without anyone knowing..)

day one

i wonder how long it'll be till someone (i know at least) discovers i actually started a blog, smthing i've never been a fan of.

still,
maybe the idea of updating those who know me personally helps keep me accountable to this journey im on. and i guess that can be pretty good for both you and i. i get to bitch about something and publicy admit i was in the wrong too, and at the same time hopefully be of some encouragement or comfort to you if and when you can identify with me. then maybe we'd talk more and share a bit deeper. *shrug* i really dont know where this will take me.
so we'll see : )

ultimately, i guess i hope it ONE DAY reads about how i fly away (both on a plane but more meaningfully, living life to the fullest and in total freedom), and the experiences and stories and adventures and difficulties and miracles god has destined for me in my time ahead. amen.