4 disciplines

in light of the worship school and the prophetic worship conference coming up,
lazyness and discipline seem to crash on head to head.

its not like i dont know the more i seek him, the more i find him; the more i find him, the more i love him; the more i love him, the more i trust him... and as crunch time is coming near, you just know the devil's all out to get those along the fringes... the wishy washy, fence sitters, pew warmers...
and im just trying to keep the SPIRIT on top.... soul, then body....


Discipline your Devotion (prayer, worship, word)
Discipline your Doubts (press in to faith)
Discipline your Desires (purity, flee from evil)
Discipline your Duties (priorities, commitment)


more and more, i need you jesus, more and more...

im just a little confused

wow.... its been more than one month since i last wrote.


it just slips out of my hands... and above all, the heart is decieving.


has my heart been stolen? no, it has been decieved... to think i knew what i was doing. then to stop and realise ive let it all get out of control.

facebook.
its addictive... you compare your life with another's... you look for smone wishing he was there but he isnt... you leave a note, he doesnt reply...
its for fun... but you wish i were real...

housemates.
*dont wanna talk about it*

friends.
you love em... you cant stand em... you dont wish to bother yourself with them... 'you need them?' you let them take too much of you... only to realise it too late...
are you chooisng life? choosing those that should and would matter to you if you let them... do you feel you already tried?

studies that come to an end.
maybe its time to leave... 2 weeks ago i didnt wanna leave... the friends the company the life here suited me and i was comfortable - YET i already knew that that meant that it was time to move. and now... everything feels like its peeling away, breaking down... huh... why not go home then. should i come back? whatever...... i dont know and i dont care right now. too many decisions and the stress to make them were on my shoulders. too many plans and ideas... too many options and possibilities and wants and wishes....

suddenly, all i want to do is let it all go.

what really matters in the end? i know you know i know. there is nothing more to say.

GOD I NEED YOU... I WANT YOU... IF IM REMINDED OF WHAT I KNOW, I KNOW NONE OF THIS REALLY MATTERS... NONE OF THIS IS REALLY THE POINT, IF I DONT FIRST KNOW YOU, LOVE YOU, WANT YOU.

amanda wells weekend

I will stand on Your promises. God, when You give me a word, I hold on to it till it comes to pass; I hold on to that promise. Cos your word is a promise, your word if life. And You never want anything else besides life with You and one of You. As we live according to, and BY, Your word, there You will be Glorified where we are most satisfied. Nothing can separate us from Your love.

Amanda Wells brought a strong presence of the Lord, not one emotionally arousing or just simply peaceful or strong and hard… I don’t know what it was but she brought forth the anointing of the REALITY of being a child and an heir of God and His throne…how God created me (us) cos the angels were’nt good enough...they(Lucifer) fought for place and glory and wealth in Heaven.. and that is why the devil wants to take back all we are given by God; what WAS his, but isn’t now. Can we not believe it, do we not see HOW MUCH GOD LOVES US and the richness in wealth, strength, authority, wisdom, peace, security and love He has bestowed on us.

How can I look back and wish I had what I had when I was turning further and further away from all the love I needed. – Again the loud and clear reminder came: “the old has gone, the new has come. Behold you are a new creation; I have started in you a new thing, and I shall bring it forth to completion.”

In faith I asked “where to now”; and in faith I received the answer to “not continue year 4. instead, enter a time of training/doing/working”

Prophetically, Amanda wells also said that I would finish studies soon and go into a time (short-ish or just some time) of training. Where after that God’s gonna open all the doors and release me to do what I am studying… that it sure has something to do with what I am doing now… Dream more and ask Him for visions… bigger dreams, bigger visions, bigger plans from You God!

* Hallelujah! Thank you God! I know it wont be easy, I know it wont be glam, it probably be hard work… but I pray and pray that JUST KNOWING im walking down the path YOU SET BEFORE ME and that at every moment I am exactly at the CENTER OF YOUR WILL, I will be ever grateful and thankful and praise You and worship you for who You Are. For I am nothing without You. I surrender with You my every will…decision…action… thank you jesus for making it possible…for without your blood, I remain and succumb to the sinful nature. But in You, I am MORE THAN A CONQUEROR.

my life is not my own

ive been thinking of getting a tattoo - to engrave, scribed, write forever not just in my oh deceitful heart, a reminder of really who i was and who i am and who God has destined me to be.
His. Entirely His.

Jeremiah 10:23 [Jeremiah's Prayer] I know, O LORD, that a man's life is not his own; it is not for man to direct his steps.

Luke 14:26 If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple.

Revelation 3:19-22 Behold, i stand at the door and knock; if anyone hears and listens and heeds My voice and opens the door, i will come in to him and eat with him, and he [will eat] with Me.

[7.30am youth prayer meeting for Amanda Wells]

car wash!

realised i havent taken any photos of my car till... today! i brought it round to the backyard to have a bit of a wash and a full vacuum on the inside :)

calling on Your name, cutting off the past

I'm running, I'm running,
I'm running to the mercy seat where Jesus is calling.
His grace will be my covering,
His blood will flow freely, it will provide my healing.
I'm running to the mercy seat.

im supposed to draw.... of what i saw during worship @ Youth tonight...
it was strong and it was hard...

"Call unto me! ...and you will be saved..."

and when Chris starting singing Jesus, jesus, jesus.... just His name over and over again... it was clear He was setting us apart. Setting those who were present at youth but who werent participating (standing there, not letting the HS move them, maybe even mocking, staring/glaring) from those who were hungry, eager, desperate and thus would open their mouths to call upon Him with all their heart, mind, strength.... and those who called and really believed with all their heart mind strength on WHO they are calling on, will be saved and set free..... cut off from their past, cut off from past sins, cut off from those sin trying to creep back to get them.

i wanted to be totally cut off from all the past... the painful and hurtful past... and i needed to call on Him once again - IF i wanted it bad enough.

and i did. and i really still do....

with this, once again i renew my covenent with God in my commitment to the church and to Youth and to what GOD WANTS TO DO IN RAVENSWOOD AND IN TASMANIA AND IN ALL THE REST OF THE AUSTRALIA THEN IN ALL THE WORLD.

Glimpse of the Vision fir the 2nd term of Youth -> to set apart His soldiers and Carers from those who will reject Him and choose to turn away, disobey and not respond. Cos you CANT not respond when God's presence comes down in annointing the worship. and you CANT not be compelled to forget about yourself totally and worship Him for the totality that He is. and you CANT not respond by growing and commiting and dedicating and disciplining yourself to be a follower and disciple of Jesus...

Jesus is calling... how are you responding... if you call back to Him, He will answer, He will rescue, He will comfort, He will save, He will deliver, He will SET YOU FREE!

dear adelaide

a familiar face, bassie wanted to see; familiar faces i got to see too.

through dolphin boat rides, fisherman wharves with no fresh seafood, attempting to climb up and down Mt Lofty Peak to a "spit-fall" 3.8km away, the charsiew and duck noodles, the ice creams, the yiros and giant schnitzels, watching soccer, footy, playing mahjong......

to meeing new, and old friends... marilyn, felicia, aoh-lulu, and even shingyin.

im not sure i wanted to come home... there were a few different issues running in my mind. there was chao who made me think too, about decisions we have to start making soon about our future...and his worries of where his education is bringing him...and about how to ever be sure of what youre doing... i think truth is, you never know. but truth is, God knows! and when we make decisions based on knowing He will use it for His good and we boldly take that step of faith based on wanting Him to take us anyway He would, i think thats all we really need to know - that conscious effort in choosing LIFE, and not DEATH... for every little step we take is either towards one, or the other.

no grey....

philippains 4:8-9 Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies.

to my dear friend,
i pray you keep your head high in humility and your heart open and your eyes always looking to your Creator and your mind always on that which is true, noble and gracious...the best and beautiful and the things of praise. i pray you put into rememberance everything youve heard, saw and realised thorugh all the years of growing and maturing in the fellowship of Christ, with your brothers and sisters, with your family. let it compel you to holding fast and standing firm in the truths you have learnt, pushing everything that tries to hinder you aside. and when you cant handle it or dont know how to, dont struggle with yourself, let it all go..and let god. cos i know theres nothing i can really do or say, but to cry out to god on your behalf for the holy spirit to always be by you...and we will together, be there for you any time you need, to stand by you and to pick you up and push you closer to Him who loves you most :) love you dearly.